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Buttons's Guide to Life Outside Kennels

The place where I now live was my first experience of life away from kennels, and I have written a few thoughts about the differences between living in a home and living in a kennel. Hopefully this guide to home life will help all you other dogs out there who are new to this environment.

• In a home every dog has his own bed, and the other dogs can get grumpy if you try to share.
• There are less staff in a home than at the kennels, but they are at your beck and call 24 hours a day.
• Homes have their own grassy turnout pen called a garden. You are allowed to go in this garden any time you want even the middle of the night. Waking your new owners to let you out is acceptable as long as you go to the toilet once outside (even a small wee will suffice).
• In kennels your food comes in a bowl twice a day. In a home there are lots of opportunities for helping yourself to food whenever you are hungry. Good sources include the bin, the table, the counter tops, and unguarded meals or drinks (coffee with two sugars is my favourite).
• In kennels you walk on concrete or grass (mud in winter). A home has lots of different floors. Carpet is comfy and warm and good for frisking on. Tiles and linoleum are slippery, but usually in the areas where food is made so they are good for licking.
• You can turn your own garden at home from grass into mud by running on it a lot, and always scratching enthusiastically after you have been to the toilet.
• If you turn your garden from grass to mud you will then have to have your feet wiped every time you come back in the house.
• If a stranger is coming into the house an alarm rings first to give you time to hide. The humans call this alarm a ‘doorbell’.
• In kennels if someone comes up to you it is usually because they are going to do something with you (feed, take you for a walk, groom you or let you out into a paddock). In a home lots of people walk past you on the street and never even try to touch you. Chances are that if someone has a dog with them they will try to touch you.
• If you pretend you don't like your new food at home, your owner will add tasty things such as ham, cheese, or sardines to it.
• Once you are in a home you get poked and handled all the time, even if you are trying to sleep. You owner will give the worst tortures names like ‘grooming’, ‘nail clipping’, and ‘tooth brushing’.
• Sometimes your owner will go out and not take you along. Just as they are leaving it is considered good manners to try and wipe your mouth along the length of their clean trousers.
• In a home you get patted whenever you want, and that is a very good thing for any dog to know.

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