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Coping With Loss

My dog Jerry had gone in for a routine set of X-rays that showed he had bone cancer. I was totally unprepared for this, and even less prepared to discover that the average life expectancy of a dog with osteosarcoma is 6 weeks.

I quickly decided that aggressive treatment wasn't an option for a variety of reasons, but also decided to make the most of whatever time we had left. Below are some of the things that I did to ensure that Jerry didn't suffer, and that helped me to enjoy the last weeks with him.

• I thoroughly researched all of the options available, and read up as much as possible about the disease. My vet was brilliant, but I did not rely on her as my only source of information.
• Once I had made a decision (involving my vet, and also others who were close to Jerry) I decided to try and not think of the 'what ifs'. I made the best decision I could at the time for Jerry, and no matter how difficult it was I had to accept that ultimately I knew him best, and was therefore the person best placed to make the tough choices.
• I posted on all of my Greyhound lists asking for advice. This generated a huge amount of support, as well as some invaluable information and guidance. Not everyone agreed with my choice of treatment for Jerry, but I quickly learned to read and save the messages I found helpful, and discard the ones I didn't.
• I joined Circle of Grey, where all of the members have experience of nursing an ill Greyhound or losing a dog. This group was invaluable in offering a sympathetic shoulder to cry on and a place to be happy, sad, angry, and most importantly talk about Jerry.
• Over the years I have become far more aware of what I feed to my dogs. I strive to ensure they eat a balanced, natural diet. When Jerry became ill I realised it didn't matter what he ate. Particularly towards the end I offered him everything I could think of that he might enjoy. I learned to relax about what he was eating, and just be thankful he was eating.
• Nigel and I took photos. We took a selection of cameras everywhere and just kept snapping. My advice would be to go out and buy a cheap digital camera. Take endless photos until you get some that you are happy with and you feel capture the true spirit of your dog. At first I felt silly trailing round taking pictures all the time, but now that Jerry has gone I will always be thankful that I did.
• Consider other keepsakes that you might like to have once your dog has gone. Plaster or painted paw prints are popular, and many vet's offices have kits to take an impression of your dog's paw.
• Whenever I felt sad I reminded myself that Jerry didn't know he had cancer. As long as he was pain free and happy then that was all that mattered. I tried not to waste those last precious weeks grieving before he had even left.
• Someone told me to think about the three things that Jerry enjoyed the most (obviously this will vary from dog to dog, but for Jerry it was going for walks, riding in the car, and eating). When he was struggling to do all three I knew I needed to think about letting him go.
• Talk to your vet about what will happen at the end. Although this may sound morbid, it is helpful to know what your options are, and also to know what to expect. In our case we decided to have the vet come to the house, but if you think you will be more comfortable at the vet's then do not be afraid to say so. If you want your dog to have something special with him, or want to arrange for cremation it is a good idea to talk about these things beforehand. On the actual day you may find it hard to deal with these arrangements and make decisions that you later regret. It is important that you choose what is comfortable and best for you and your dog.
• Some people believe that it is helpful if other dogs in the family get to see the body. This helps them to understand what has happened to their friend. Be prepared for your dogs to show signs of grief and depression too.
• Arrange to be able to contact or spend time with others who will understand your loss and grief.
• After we lost Jerry I got a box and filled it with special things that reminded me of him. These included obvious ones such as cards I had received, his collar, and photos, but also things like his toothbrush and some wild flowers from the field where he had his first ever run off lead. I found this very therapeutic, and a positive thing to focus on which generated lots of happy memories.
• Plant a bush or a tree that will remind you of your dog. It could be in his favourite place in the garden, or a plant that will bloom in the month he was born/came to live with you.

And finally remember that it is OK to grieve. It is natural to feel sad and to miss your companion. It is OK to go out and rehome another dog immediately, just as it is OK not to want another dog for a very long time.

Grief and loss are very personal things, but try to remember that eventually the sad feelings will again be dominated by the happy memories. And always remember that you gave your dog the greatest gift of all - he died knowing that he was loved.

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